bloody
liquid courage burns fiery down my throat
sending spirals through my mind
drunken haze that will never arrive
pales in comparison to the nausea
of this guilt ridden trip past bloodshed
the sear of honeyed spiked mead
does not bring me the flying grace
of the coppery tang of blood
i long for the taste of metallic death
the one i have just barely escaped
wounds i healed to ugly scars
remind me of the pain i wish to inflict
this violent desire to break hearts
to leave them shriveled and unbeating
as mine did so long ago in lonesome
to leave gashes and streaming lifeblood
down the faces of a smile i never had
licking my injuries of a self inflicted hurt
the want of psychosis from my brutality
because this disconnect from this reality
one of fend for yourself all for themselves
is only remedied by the plunge of daggers
metaphorical but only just to appease
i have looked for respite in drugged begging
in flashes of a hopeless lust of life
that i never understood myself
but the abstract of ending the zeal i wish i had
sends me grinning in my high of murder
wishing i could find my place in the blurry
a place between conscious and hurt
yet the pain i felt is only driven away
not by mind-altering substances as is
the rest of the world’s lonely
i share a story with those hurt by these selves
but i have a half mind to end it
in my savagery driven craze
sparked by tending to burns the world never saw
i am here to heal but only just
the hurt of mine no one cared for
and in my villainous frenzy i make sure
no one ever will for my bloody indifference
